In my previous life I made things happen. Organize, delegate, march through, accomplish, long to-do lists that get mtehodically checked-off, goal-oriented, detail- oriented, that was me, my life, my daily mantra.
It’s not easy letting go of it.
At first I approached sailing in the same manner. We’re going to buy a boat, learn to sail and go cruising. So we buy a boat, check that off the list. Learn to sail. Wait, the boat needs work. So you get it done. Only it’s not that simple. Parts need to be ordered, blah blah, it takes 10 days. And I’m fuming on the dock.
In my previous life I made a goal, put together a plan to achieve the goal and then did it. I was so busy charging towards goals that the process was something to be endured or better yet, delegated to someone else.
When you start living your life at five knots, things change. A goal is 200 knots away. The process takes a long time, and besides, plans are made to be broken. I can plan on sailing to Nassau next Thursday. I can plan until I’m blue in the face. That decision isn’t mine, it’s hers. Mother Nature controls me in a way I never understood before sailing. When I get up on Thursday there may be too much wind, or a storm, or no wind at all, or wind on the nose or it may be perfect. It’s not up to me. And so I learnt to take what comes and live with it. Sure, I could fight my way across 30 knot winds and 15 foot seas. Or if there’s no wind I could motor all the way. Or I can shrug and wait a while until conditions improve. Why fight it? I’m not here to get beat up.
It’s not that I’m particularly a control freak, it’s that I’m used to deciding what I want and then arranging life so that I get what I want.
I remember a day in the Exuma Land & Sea Park. Time was running short and we were headed to Staniel Cay. We raised anchor and headed out of the south anchorage. Boom! 30 knots on the nose. No go, it just wasn’t happening. We turned around and reanchored and I threw a princess hissy fit. I wanted to go! It was too breezy to snorkel, I’d hiked the island and we were almost at the point of turning homebound. I wanted to go to Staniel.
Well no matter how much I railed and ranted the wind didn’t change. So I had to accept it. We went ashore and spent a couple of hours poking in rock pools. Then I learnt how to make pizza dough. I’d been meaning to do it but hadn’t found the time. Unexpectedly the time was presented to me. A gift from Mother Nature.
So I’ve learnt that it’s not always up to me where or when I go. I’m not in control. This is a big world and I am only one tiny speck in it. I’ll attempt to make my way towards where I want to be but if I’m swept some place else, so be it.